Hampstead

Hampstead

from Melbourne House



Hampstead is an adventure game for would-be social climbers. Speed of

reaction isn't so important. What matters is your ability to solve

complex problems, which get harder the further you proceed in the game.



Hampstead is a quest, but not for gold. The aim of it is to reach the

pinnacle of social status, and acquiring wealth is only one part of

the problem. If you wish to go up in the world you also have to gain

the admiration and respect of your fellow men, and there's more to

that than a fat bank balance.



In Hampstead it helps to know something about art - or rather, to give

the impression you do. You must wear the right clothes, be seen in the

right places, live in the right house with the right partner and use

the correct mode of transport.



At the start of the game you are a nobody whose aim is to become a

somebody. So lie, cheat, steal and defraud. You know it makes sense.



QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK ABOUT HAMPSTEAD:

Q: Is there life after Hampstead?

A: No, Only before and during.



Q: Why do dustbins have no lids in Hampstead?

A: In order that passers-by may see the week's completed Guardian

crosswords stacked neatly within.



Hampstead - a new type of adventure game!



Classification: ADVENTURE

Includes 16 page booklet

Level: Suitable for Beginner to Experienced Adventurer

Average completion time: Several weeks

Written in 100% machine language

Loading time: 5 mins. approximately



HAMPSTEAD

A NEW TYPE OF ADVENTURE GAME



HAMPSTEAD is an adventure game for would-be social climbers. For

those who have never played one before, an adventure game generally

depends on the use of brainpower. Speed of reaction isn't so

important. What matters is the ability to solve complex problems,

which get harder the further you proceed in the game.

Most computer adventures involve a quest of some sort, usually for

hidden treasure. There will often be dragons to kill and nasty goblins

to avoid.

HAMPSTEAD is a quest, but not for gold. The aim of it is to reach

the pinnacle of social status, and acquiring wealth is only one part

of the problem. If you wish to go up in the world you also have to

gain the admiration and respect of your fellow men, and there's more

to that than a fat bank balance.

In HAMPSTEAD it helps to know something about art - or rather, to

give the impression you do. You must wear the right clothes, be seen

in the right places, live in the right house with the right partner

and use the correct mode of transport. You must meet the right sort

of people and say the right things to them.

Although the old school tie never does any harm, your most important

tool is simply the ruthless and skilful use of your natural cunning.

At the start of the game you are a nobody whose aim is to become a

somebody. So lie, cheat, steal and defraud. You KNOW it makes sense.



Attaining Hampstead

"""""""""""""""""""

PICTURE OF AN HOUSE

An overdose of quaintness can bring on nausea.

The denizens of these violently twee Hampstead

cottages therefore always approach in sunglasses.



The crucial point to remember at all times is this: you cannot

attain HAMPSTEAD just by going there. Your task is not merely to visit

the place but to become a Hampstead person. Hampstead people may seem

terribly casual, as if anything goes, but frankly you will not be

invited into their homes unless you are quite clearly one of them.

There are many pitfalls. There are places you will not be allowed to

enter without the required social credentials. There are people in

those places who can help you attain HAMPSTEAD. And there are some

people whom, having met once, you will never wish to set eyes on again.

Your background - luckily - doesn't matter too much. There are plenty

of critics, playwrights, architects and designers, actors and academics

who also came from nowhere and ended up attaining HAMPSTEAD. And you

can become one of them by collecting the trophies and symbols of

Hampstead Man.



Attitude

""""""""

The successful people in life are those who can brazen their way out

of any difficulty. They are not afraid to claw shamelessly for

everything they want. So be unscrupulous. How did all those people get

to the top of the tree in the first place? Not by being nice. So bear

in mind that anyone who does you a favour is a sucker, and ripe for

stabbing in the back. Just choose your moment carefully.

In the game of HAMPSTEAD, however, the most deadly weapon you can

possess is a credit card. As in real life it is not a good idea to

attack anyone physically, let alone kill them. Hampstead Man is far

more subtle than that.



PICTURE OF A RESTAURANT

Keith and Dave practise looking as if they own the place.



Progress

""""""""

So wretched is your social position at the beginning of the game

that the only way is up. It's quite obvious that you must dress more

smartly, travel in better style and start to mingle with the high and

mighty. But the choices will become less obvious as you approach the

higher reaches of society. Attaining HAMPSTEAD means so much more than

simply grabbing the treasure and heading for the hills. Think of your

IMAGE. think cultural, think political. Hamstead Man does.

As the adventure begins, you are sitting around at home in your

horrible, dingy little house. You have nothing - not even street

credibility. You are on the dole. You have no firends and no money.

But don't let that bother you! The big, wide world of social

opportunity exists just outside your gate.

As you leave the house to go and sign on, make sure you're decent

and have some means of getting around. It is advisable to explore as

much of your immediate area as possible since you will find things

that later prove useful. Some of the things you find may seem useful,

but aren't. And some of the things which at first appear useless may

actually turn out to be rather vital.



Setting Off

"""""""""""

Set up the computer and load the game by typing in LOAD "". When the

program is fully loaded the message WELCOME TO HAMPSTEAD will appear.

Read the initial instructions carefully.

You now find yourself in a dingy flat somewhere in north-west London,

watching '3-2-1' on television. This really is a depressing, degrading

position to be in, so get moving immediately.

To get mobile, socially and physically, just use the simple compass

directions north, south, east, west. Sometimes you can go north-east,

north-west, south-east or south-west. You will also occasionally need

to go up or down. All these movements can be abbreviated thus:

N, S, E, W, NE, NW, SE, SW, U, D.

This system applies whatever your mode of transport is, be it foot,

bicycle, train or car. There are places where transport is essential

and places where you are better off on foot.



Language

""""""""

Apart from movements, most of your commands will be in the form

VERB NOUN. You will frequently wish to pick things up or put them

down, e.g. GET KEY, DROP KEY. If you want to investigate your

surroundings more closely, SEARCH ROOM / OFFICE / SHOP, or whatever

the location.

Don't forget that doors, gates and the like can be opened and

closed, locked and unlocked. Sometimes you may need to get into

something locked by unconventional means.

Having found an interesting object you may wish to look more closely

at it, in which case EXAMINE DOGS or READ MAGAZINE. In many cases it

will take a while to discover the correct command for what you want to

do ... but that's part of the fun!



Other useful commands

"""""""""""""""""""""

Score: which speaks for itself. Your score is expressed as a

percentage.

I: for Inventory. This will give you a list of what you have

with you and what you are wearing.

R: for Re-describe. You will need to do this if the screen is

filled with messages and commands, and you want to remind

yourself where you are and what objects are visible.

Quit: if you have had enough social climbing for one day. This is

how you throw in the towel until next time.

Save/Load: to enable you to save the adventure up to the point you

have reached and resume later. Check your computer manual

for instructions.



PICTURE OF A ROAD

The bustling heart of Oxford Street, through which

every social climber must pass, however

recluctantly ...

Some things to avoid

""""""""""""""""""""

Death: It is better to avoid inflicting death, both on oneself

and on others.

Bad language: Certain words are not acceptable in Hampstead. You know

exactly which ones we're talking about!

Hampstead: Try not to be over-eger to attain HAMPSTEAD. Hampstead

people can spot a social climber a mile off. Only head

for Hampstead when you're certain you have everything

you need.



Some useful verbs

"""""""""""""""""

ABSTAIN EXAMINE LEAVE REMOVE

ACCEPT FIND LOCK RIDE

BET FORCE LOOK RING

BOARD FLY MARRY SEARCH

BUY GET MEET STEAL

CASH GIVE OFFER TAKE

CLOSE HELP OPEN TRANSLATE

DRIVE HIDE PICK TURN

DROP JOIN PRISE UNLOCK

EAT JUMP QUEUE WATCH

ENTER KISS READ WEAR



On the Dole

"""""""""""

Some of you attempting this game have probably attained HAMPSTEAD

already in real life, and therefore may not know what on the dole

means. You are on the dole if you have no job. If you have no job, you

probably have no money either.

The government therefore issues you with a card called a UB40 which

entitles you to collect unemployment benefit. This must be presented

at regular intervals at a "dole office", and a Giro cheque is later

sent to you through the post.

In HAMPSTEAD, however, your home is so disreputable that the postman

has long since refused to deliver anything, so you must collect the

Giro in person, and then take it to a Post Office to be cashed.

Whilst on the dole you may attempt to find a job. For this purpose

you could try the Jobcentre, which advertises vacancies

("job opportunities") for the unemployed.



Hampstead - What's the point?

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Everybody wants to feel superior. This feeling takes two forms.

Those without money must be content to feel morally superior. Those

without morals can feel financially superior. But only in Hampstead is

it possible to attain superiority in both.



Some notes on "HAMPSTEAD MAN"

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

PICTURE OF A RESTAURANT

Carlos entertains Hampstead diners with a saucy anecdote or two.



Hampstead man has a pair of matching Afghan hounds or Red Setters.

At any given time he is likely either to be listening to Verdi or

jogging. His home, a building at least 200 years old and surrounded by

luxuriant foliage, has a sturdy front door painted in a bright primary

colour.

He has a highly-paid job which allows him to play squash during

weekday afternoons. Whatever work he is engaged in (and its exact

nature may never be entirely clear) is conducted over lunch,

i.e. between noon and 4 p.m.

His graceful, attractive, soft-spoken wife has borne him three

gifted children: Ben, Tarquin and Hermione. his wife's name is almost

certainly Pippa or Flavia, though it could conceivably be Molly or

Bunty.



Things to do in Hampstead

"""""""""""""""""""""""""

1. Take your bassoon along to complete a wind quartet at a neighbour's

Boursin and claret party.

2. Write witty letters to The Spectator.

3. Nail a pair of snow-shoes to the wall in your loo.

4. "Work" for an hour on the telephone in the morning and play croquet

all afternoon.

5. Teach your children Esperanto and encourage them to practise it on

Italian waiters.

6. Visit an art exhibition and laugh loudly at the mistakes in the

catalogue.

7. Invite the local wine-testing circle to come round and sample your

cellar.

8. Donate the original manuscript of your play ("A stunning

theatrical achievement" - Sunday Times) to the Bodleian Library.

9. Have Sir John Gieldgud's voice on your personal Ansaphone.

10. Speak admiringly of Tony Benn in the pub and, at the last minute,

vote Liberal.



Around and about in Hampstead

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

- Amanda very carefully reads 'A Room of One's Own' in the Sunday

Times Colour Supplement: has she been quoted accurately?

- Justin Perrier, art critic ordinaire, Hampstead resident,

bon viveur, wag, wit and editor of Art&Antiques magazine.

- Vital to social climbers who can't afford new clothes, the Oxfam

Shop is also useful for those who have attained Hampstead and find

it amusing to look shabby.

- Before and after Oxfam comes respectability in the form of a smart

new business suit...

- On the dole? Why not start at the bottom and work your way down.

- The 2CV parked on yellow lines outside - appropriately - Parks,

where Hampstead Man conducts his 'business' over a pleasant four

hour lunch.

- Pippa, Selina and their friends gather around the crepe stall prior

to that rather interesting Jean Renoir film at the Hampstead

Everyman.

- Lorraine and Tracey on the Heath. How come Pippa gets invited to

these Covent Garden cocktail parties and not them?

- Sir Lionel Thrumm - a rare photograph of the millionaire merchant

banker taken just prior to the San Paulo revelations.

- Lord Chubby Fish totters towards the large, well-deserved scotch and

soda already prepared by Pilgrim the butler.

- It's seedy, it's depressing, and yes, it's just outside your back

gate.

- Exhausted by a hard day's social climbing, Barry crosses the borders

of Hampstead only to discover that he has still not attained it.



Questions People as about Hampstead

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Q: Is there life after Hampstead?

A: No. Only before and during.



Q: Having attained Hampstead, is it then safe to leave and return

again?

A: Yes, because true Hampstead Man carries it with him wherever he

goes.



Q: Why do dustbins have no lids in Hampstead?

A: In order that passers-by may see the week's completed Guardian

cross-words stacked neatly within.



Q: Why do so many architects live in Hampstead?

A: Because, having devastated most of Britain's cities, they find it a

quiet and pleasant place in which to design their bold and

imaginative urban schemes. Le Corbusier, like socialism and

Christianity, has never been given a chance. Vertical villages,

streets in the sky ... these fabulous concepts were first thought

up down cobbled alleys in Hampstead. It is a place for thinkers and

iconoclasts who need the reassurance of stable, quaint surroundings

in order to advance theories about knocking them down.



Q: What are the main causes of death in Hampstead?

A: 1. Terminal writer's cramp 48 %

2. Choking on muesli 24 %

3. Savaged by Afghans (dogs, not freedom fighters) 9 %

4. Caught in Venus fly-trap 11 %

5. Aerobics 7.5%

6. Malnutrition 0.5%



The History of Hampstead

""""""""""""""""""""""""

It was once thought that Hampstead's first appearance in the annals

of English history came when King Edgar presented the village to his

toady Mangoda in 975 AD. Actually the charter in which this

transaction is mentioned is now regarded as a bare-faced forgery,

along with the story put about by social-climbing monks that Ethelred

the Unready donated Hampstead to the diocese of Westminster.

The derivation of the name "Hampstead" gives a clue to its true

origins. Geoffrey of Monmouth reports (in "History of the Kings of

Britain") that back in 677 AD, Ham - a certain messenger - galloped on

horseback from York to London to warn King Cadwallader of an imminent

Viking invasion.

Unfortunately, such was Ham's haste that his exhausted mount

collapsed and died four miles from the city, and he was forced to walk

the rest of the way.

He was doubly embarrassed to find that, due to earthquake, plague,

famine and civil war all coinciding, Cadwallader had three weeks

earlier sailed for Brittany, where he remained for several years,

waiting until things cooled off.

Ham's sturdy effort was not entirely in vain, however. The heroic horse was commemorated by burial in consecrated ground close to the top of the hill whose savage gradient finally killed him. The spot became a minor centre for pilgrims on their way to Canterbury, and the village of Ham's-steed soon grew up around it.



PICTURE OF A STONE

The Ham's-steed stone can still be seen in a

private garden near Keat's House.